One Does not Simply Imitate Thor
by xSerenityIsn'tAlwaystheAnswerx
Summary: It's one thing to have a baby who's inquired everything from your genes, to your wits, to your smarts. It's terribly another to have that baby think she's Thor.


There was something odd about the little fiery baby playing on the living room floor. For one, instead of acquiring her father's dark brown hair she had a mix of it and Pepper's, which resulted in a color that could be seen from eighteen miles away, if not more. And two, she had an extremely bad habit of picking up on things she sees or hears. And in this particular case, Thor was the next person to be the subject of her infamous little craze.

It was Wednesday. Everyone was either lounging around, sleeping, or in Thor's case, eating boxes after boxes of Pop Tarts, completely oblivious to the obscene looks Tony was giving him.

''And what, possesses you to charge into my cabinets and take my favorite Pop tarts good sir?'' Tony asked, snapping his fingers in front of Thor's face.

''I'm starving.'' Thor replied pointedly, bits of mushed Pop Tart escaping his lips. ''Unless you'd like me to ransack your whole...eh...kitchen? As you call it? Don't interfere.''

Tony turned around and walked out the room, repeating what Thor had just said in a high pitched chipmunk voice.

Pepper was sitting on the floor, hair messed up to the point of no return -at least for the next four hours- and a jar of baby food in her hand, obviously appearing to have failed in her mission to feed Victoria, who was attempting to prod her mother's leg with a pencil.

Yanking the utensil out of the girl's hand, Tony then gave Pepper a soft nudge with his foot and she looked up at him tiredly.

''You know she's as stubborn as you are?'' She yawned.

''I figured. Didn't know you'd have such a hard time with my offspring Peps, I mean you handle me pretty well.''

Pepper gave him a _look _and shoved the jar into his free hand. ''I'm going to take a nice, long, shower. And no you will not join me, unless you want to be kept up all night you'd better feed her by the time I get back.'' Tony pouted as Pepper sauntered away, wishing to do senseless illegal things with her- and Tony easily thought of more than one.

He looked down at Victoria, who was trying to tie his shoelaces together. He picked her up and stared her pointedly in the eye. ''What the hell am I going to do with you. I can't even manage to feed myself on a daily basis...''

Loud footsteps thudded against the marble flooring and Tony looked up to see Thor strutting in with an equally satisfied smile on his face.

''Thor! Just the ancient literature I was praying would miraculously appear. Could you feed Tori for me while I hide out in the lab?''

''Did not Lady Pepper assign you the task of feeding the child?'' Thor frowned. He had no experience in children whatsoever and he doubted he could handle one without setting it on fire.

''Yes but what she doesn't know won't hurt her. I'll get you an unlimited supply of Pop Tarts for like two years.'' Tony held out Victoria to Thor.

Thor raised his eyebrows and didn't budge.

''And...and I'll get you some alone time with Jane! One week.''

''A fortnight.''

''Fine..two weeks.''

Thor grinned and grabbed the child from Tony's grasp. Victoria giggled from being in Thor's massive hands, in which if she was a little bit smaller he would have enclosed her like she was a fruit.

''I suppose taking care of Lady Victoria shan't be too hard.'' Thor said, immediately started thinking of what human children may or may not eat.

Tony, glad to have the little fireball out of his hands, made his way towards the lab in hops of finding something new to rant to Bruce about. Unfortunately he forgot about Victoria's shoelace tying earlier and fell to the floor with a thump, which to his dismay had no rug or carpet of any form on it. Groaning, he got up and cursed the likes of his genes as he trudged down the stairs.

**_Le Random Break in__ Page_**

"So, what is it you human children eat here on Earth?'' Thor felt stupid asking the two year old such a question, but food on Asgard was much different than food on Midgard, and Victoria was Tony's offspring, so she was smarter than the average child.

''Tarts.'' Victoria replied, looking Thor in the eye. This made him uncomfortable for some reason, as if she were sizing him up.

''What kind of tarts?'' Thor hoped she said Pop Tarts because he had nothing else that wouldn't cause her body to have an immune response.

''Thor tarts.'' Victoria poked his hand. ''I need sustenance.''

''Sir Thor it would appear the child has picked up a new word from you. Would you like me to alert Miss Potts?'' Thor nearly jumped at the voice that always seemed to appear out of nowhere. Although it'd been two years since he'd known Tony and he'd stayed at the mansion many times he'd still never get used to JARVIS.

''What for?''

''Miss Potts is attached to Victoria and enjoys marking down all events that happen in her life, including minor things such as learning a new mediocre word or cleaning up her room for the first time.''

Thor was tempted to do so but he still hadn't fed Victoria yet, and he really wanted more Pop Tarts and some time with Jane. Pepper would ruin it all and start shrieking bloody murder as soon as she found out Victoria was still hungry.

''Pop Tarts it is. Speaking of which I'm hungry again...'' Thor busied himself around the kitchen, getting pop tarts for both Victoria and him, and placed a plate in front of her and sat down next to her high chair at the counter.

Victoria studied Thor as he started to eat in a way his mother would call justly unrighteous, and she picked up her Pop Tart and started to eat the same way. First she broke it into little pieces, then she flipped them into her mouth, making pleased grunting noises everytime the sugary sweetness melted onto her tongue.

Thor was once again oblivious to just what she was doing and continued eating package after package, and Victoria followed his actions picking up more than a two year old needs to eat on a daily basis.

By the time Thor actually stopped Victoria had pink and white frosting was all over her face and some had entered her nose and eyes, and she was laughing and clapping her hands and poking her belly which had grown to a bloated size.

Pepper came into the kitchen blotting her hair dry with a towel, expecting to find Tony poking Victoria's mouth with a spoon. Imagine her surprise when she saw Thor licking his fingers and Victoria a full blown mess.

''Thor!'' Pepper screeched. Thor jumped and almost threw the Mjölnir in her direction but stopped as her voice registered in his head.

''Ah Lady Pepper...did you enjoy your bath?''

Pepper padded across the tile floor and lifted Victoria up. ''What were you trying to do use her to bake? She looks terrible! And where's Tony? I specifically told him to do this but he gives the job to you. As if you know anything about children to begin with...''

''I beg to differ!'' Thor hopelessly defended himself. ''At least she is well fed. Meanwhile you were relaxing the afternoon away cleansing yourself!''

''What is that supposed to mean?'' Pepper was about to go into an endless rant until the sugar kicked in and Victoria started flailing her legs around. With a huff Pepper made her way down to the lab, where Tony was working on a new suit, nearly singing his hair from the sparks being produced.

JARVIS simply let her in, although he was computerized he was too amused with what was about to happen to care about security.

''Please don't turn down my-'' Tony paused at the look on Pepper's face, then at the bouncing two year old in her arms.

''May I interest you in a spa getaway to Tahiti?'' Tony put on his best smile but to Pepper looked more like a shit eating, "I'm fucked" looking grin.

''When I ask you to feed our daughter, I don't mean hand her off to some giant who doesn't know a thing about both proper eating, and what _human _children should eat.'' Pepper's voice was so low it was downright scary. It had a manly morbid tone to it that, to biker guys may seem awesome but in Pepper seemed like Optimus Prime on acid.

Tony slowly backed away, wondering how she got in because he didn't hear the tones from the punchpad outside the door. Well, naturally to others he wouldn't since he blared rock music nearly twenty four seven but they all really doubted how good his hearing was.

''Pepper you know I'm bad at feeding people. Remember when I almost hit her eye with the fork? Technically it was Steve's fault for having distracted me shoving his giant ass in my face but-''

Pepper interrupted him with a loud sigh. ''Tony when I specifically ask you to-''

She didn't get to finish her sentence. Victoria had sneakily dragged a hammer across the table and had pulled on it enough that it had fallen off and onto Pepper's foot. Pepper's face and neck quickly grew red before she let out a high pitched scream and nearly dropped Victoria.

Thor was downstairs in a minute with the Mjölnir in hand and Bruce and Steve right behind him.

''What happened?'' Bruce asked as he quickly attended to Pepper's foot.

'' Mjölnir.'' Victoria replied in a perfect Asgardian accent.

''I don't understand, it was right beside me this whole-''

''No big guy she means she was thinking of the hammer as your Mjölnir.'' Tony said, glaring at the smirking child. Hell, it was like someone had cut and pasted his smirk onto her face. Tony was staring at a girly baby version of himself.

Thor nodded his head in understanding.

''Congratulations Miss Potts, you've granted yourself at least four weeks in bed.'' Bruce laughed with amusement as he carefully wrapped the hurt foot.

''Four weeks? I need to take care of the company, God _knows _if the board will let Tony back in for all he's done with it so far and-''

''Excuse me, who was the person who got them top of the line Bill Gates not included computers?'' Tony exclaimed. ''I can perfectly take care of the company till you're better, and if they don't let me in I have Brucie here to help me.''

''I beg your pardon?'' Bruce harrumphed.

''Well at least Thor has a fan.'' Steve smiled, making funny faces at Victoria.

Thor had been talking about an animal for the past two weeks and Victoria decided to ask her father for one as well.

''Dada?'' She said. Tony turned to her.

''Yes?''

''I need horse.''

Tony studied her for twenty seconds and then handed her to Thor. ''I believe this is your child?''

''Perhaps I should start running DNA tests sir?'' JARVIS said.

**_Le Random Break in Page_**

**Not exactly how I wanted to end things but I just wanted to get this one out :D. First thing I've written in about...two years? x] So yeah. When Tony called Thor ancient literature I randomly decided to put that in there since...Thor is ancient literature...o.o. Hope you've enjoyed this installment of random Avengers stuff...and *Scene***


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